Dairy of a 22 Years Old - She Exists

Dairy of a 22 Years Old

Photo by Essentialiving on Unsplash
sitting on my desk; thinking about my past .. ... when I was a child .. all the time living with my parents .. then I grow a bit older... I got my bro n sisters .. all-time fighting with my sisters .. irritating my brother ... making small wishes, and waiting for them to come true .. crying for toys.. saving for dolls.. making marriages of them.. getting dollhouses and arranging them.. making stupid future plans.. thinking about growing old and waiting for the next birthday.

My Reign
I am the center of the attention of my family ... everyone is loving me ... A LOT .. MORE THAN JUST A LOT... my wishes are their AIM to accomplish .. to be very honest .. sometimes I am like .. shocked how they are making my every word true .. by hook or by crook ... by ANYHOW... my sisters are fighting others for me .. my brother is sharing his candies with me .. listening fairy tales from his sister... I am a RULER.

then something is changing... what's that .. oh well... I am started growing up ... my people are expecting more from me .. those who were caring me .. are now expecting to be cared by me .. my parents want me to be more responsible now .. my bro wants me to act more sensibly... my sisters are getting other friends than me .. everyone is expecting a mature girl in me now.

Attention Seeker
I am not just blaming them .. even I am changed .. my preferences are my studies and my friends there in school .. college and in univ.. friends are more important for me than my family. I love to spend my time with them .. even if something is missing from my home side.. I am getting from my friends .. even here I am the center of attention.. telling you the truth; I am an attention seeker ... I am not saying the thing that I have lost my family's attention .. but yeah. It's changed and I got some people else.. although I can't say it's my SECOND REIGN. it's not even less than that.

Another Taste
and now I am growing elder.. my needs are changing now .. needs are raised to just be with friends.. and I gotta real change in my life .. well yeah .. !! I taste this thing to what people call LOVE ... it's quite different from all my past experiences. I am getting more pain than relief .. I am spending my life according to someone else's defined rules. it's difficult for me .. I am a person with my rules in my life .. but you know what .. I am still feeling GREAT!

Lucky Me
I am someone who gets everything she wished for .. you know I am the luckiest most person alive on this earth .. I am having everything ... my family .. my friends .. & my love .. things are really really good.. at this spot of my life I am feeling like THE KING OF THE WORLD.. everyone is caring about me in their own way and you know I love attention .. me attention seeker .. and I am getting it from all dimension.

SKIP SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sitting on my desk and thinking today .. how everything can change so easily ??? I am thinking about what I am having right now and what I am not having to me .. thinking I lost everything I was having .. my all asset .. my reasons to live .. I lost all cares. I lost everything just because of the reason that people are expecting me to act more mature and sensible because I am a grown-up girl ... I really really don’t know what is senseless in me at that time .. what everyone else wants to be changed in me .. another request for change .. but everyone wants me to GET REAL and GROW UP...

I just hate to grow up .. growing OLD .. !!! I don't know what else I'll lose in future in this growing up process... when I'll grow another year older .. what'll be the other things I'll be NOT HAVING .. I am really scared. It's such a pain.
I am going to turn 23 this night .. I heard 100s of times in my 22nd year that I AM A 22 YEARS OLD GIRL. I SHOULD GET A LIFE.. !!! the thing which always makes me
down .. really down .. is this growing up is really a pain for everyone else too ?? or am I a special case?
I make everyone feel all is correct OK with me .. I know everyone else is now thinking I am satisfied .. I am having everything which is required by anyone to have a blessed life .. but .. !! what're all those what I am NOT HAVING now??? I still need some care and attention. I am even now an attention seeker .. I really want everything back to me .. I really don't feel growing up is bad .. but I think .. I think .. I think I am scared of changes.
I don't know .. *sighs*

I don’t want to be of 23 .. another year older .. and another year older with more responsibilities. now I know .. sometime in near future .. I'll be having a different new life .. and people will expect something different from me there .. to act more mature than I am now .. these things make me scared A LOT .. even just to think about them.

I am in such a pain .. wanna get rid of everything .. I want a time machine to travel back in past. I want to go back to the past .. I want a good CHANGE .. !!!
Help me .. take me out of it.

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